Leah's Thoughts
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Outfitting My Car
I think I have finally decided that I am going to add some stuff to my car. The sound system is half decent in my car, but I'm sure it would sound a lot better if I had the standard rear speakers in there. I was talking to my mom about it, and she said that was her idea behind my Christmas money, to get speakers and a new CD player. So these are the speakers that I am looking to get. I don' need anything fancy here, just speakers. This is the deck that I am thinking of getting. It is the same as my old one, but plays MP3s. The main reason for getting a new deck in my car, is that the factory one refuses to play CDs when they are cold, and it is driving me insane, plus I will be able to listen to MP3s. With this deck, I can get it installed for free at Future Shop, I just have to look into how much it is going to cost to install the speakers. If I don't need to run wires for them, then I will probably just install them myself, unless they offer it to me for a really good deal. I will have to give them a call to find out. I will also have to check my car to see if the wires are already in place, like my mother says they are. If anyone has any suggestions on what speakers or decks to get, I would love the comments. The one thing that I would like is to make sure my deck has green lights on the buttons, only because the rest of my car does too. As much as I would like to get a Sony deck, all of the ones that I have found have red buttons.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Spouses Day
Happy Spouses Day Everyone.

Today I heard on the radio that it is Spouses Day today. I wanted to check and find out exactly what Spouses Day means, but I guess it is just a day to honor your spouse. So anyone out there that reads this blog, and who has a spouse, do something nice for them today even if it is just an extra hug. :)

No title
So you have this big plan for your life, but the problem is, so far every step has been messed up by one thing or another. What do you do, when you have now been told that your next plan is already messed up? You want to eventually take this step, but the person you were thinking of taking that step with tells you that they aren't planning on taking it with you. How do you figure out if it is you they don't want to do it with, or they just don't want to do it at all?

Monday, January 24, 2005
Can't sleep in my bedroom for at least a week...
My parents have decided that we are going to paint and re-carpet the main floor, which includes their bedroom. Now my brother and I have our own rooms, he has a queen size bed and I have two singles, and from the title, you can guess they are sleeping in my bedroom. What makes it worse, is that my bother lives at school, sure he sleeps here on weekends, but not during the week, so why couldn't they have chosen his bed? Well it is too small for them, so they would rather sleep in two single beds. As far as I can tell I will be in my brother's room for a minimum of one week, maybe two. So this weekend, when my brother comes home from school, I'm sure I will get shipped to the basement on a air mattress. Grr. What I don't understand is, is that we moved into to this house the past October, but the people who moved into our old house didn't move in until the beginning of November. So we really should have done all of this then, but these are my parents, and it took them this long to pick paint colours. Man, it is going to be a long week. Oh yeah, this also means, that I can't use my computer in the mornings to check my email or after 10pm/11pm when one of them wants to go to bed.

Friday, January 21, 2005
Training with Mr. Wrong Answer.
Well first off, let me just say that I gave him this name because of my father. See my father is the president of the company that I work for, and sometimes I hear things that I probably shouldn't know. Ok, sometimes my dad just complains about people/things, that I shouldn't hear about. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work with some of these people, take Always Late. This is what I call one of the girls right here in the QC Office. As you can guess she is always late for work. Somewhere between 15 to 30 minutes. Since my parents really haven't caught her, nothing can be done.

Anyway, lets go onto Wrong Answer. Here is a little background on what is going on in the office to have Wrong Answer be here. He have two new girls in the office, and they are helping me test one of our big programs. We have two main programs, and we are testing one of them. The way I describe this program is that it allows the user to write simple processes to interface with almost anything. So the girls wanted to get some training on not only the program, but how set up a simple process, as neither of them knows anything. There is also a specialist group that is starting for this product, and we have two new people in there. Since the girls don't know how to program, and the other two guys have computer science degrees, I would have split them up and taught the girls some basic programming concepts before teaching them the program. They didn't even know that when you use a GoTo that you couldn't jump into a Loop or If statement, which is something that they really should have learnt. But instead of doing that, they were just taught how the programs works, and then set off on their own to write their own process.

I guess it's not too bad, it has kept me busy the last two days. I really should have sat them down and taught them the simple programming techniques so that their programs would have taken a lot less time, my time.

Another thing to note, is that we have an SOP on how any of the processes we make in this program should look and function. I had never seen them before this week, and neither had the girls. Since they were sent them, and they talked about them in the training, I would have only assumed that they would have used them in their process, but sadly neither of them even considered using them. On e of them read some of it, but decided it was too boring and stopped reading. Oh well, I guess it's not that important until they test a process that will be going to the customer.

So how does Mr. Wrong Answer get his name, well I was talking to my dad about all of this, and he looks at me and asks how training with Mr. Wrong Answer (obviously my dad doesn't call him this). I told him that I wasn't in the training so I didn't have any idea. His comment was that he is useless, anytime you ask him a question he can't answer it, and in the off chance that he does answer something, it will be wrong. LOL I'm just hoping that whatever the girls learnt in training is correct. They did manage to create their own instrument and get it working, so maybe Mr. Wrong Answer can teach something correctly.

Note the time, Always Late is just getting in.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Wrebbit Puzz3D
One Christmas, a good number of years ago, my dad bought me a new kind of puzzle. He thought I would enjoy it. Little did he know how my obsession would grow. I now have 5 different puzzles. I know this doesn't sound like much of an obsession, but I think it is. These puzzles are no ordinary puzzles. The pieces are backed with foam, so you can make actual 3D models of places. Well this Christmas, my mother added to my collection by buying me the castle that we went to visit the first time I went to Germany.

The story about the castle is actually quite funny. We had planned a two week vacation to Germany and Austria, as my dad's aunt lives in Austria. One day, I was looking through this book that we have, of mysterious places around the world, and I happened upon this picture of a castle up in the clouds. Turns out it was in Germany, so we made special plans to go there. Which is why my mom had to get the puzzle as soon as she saw it.

This past weekend, I finally finished the puzzle, and it looks great. This is my second largest puzzle that I own, and I'm sure when you add all the hours together that I actually spent on it, it would be about 3 whole days.

So here is a list of all the puzzles that I have, with links so you can see what they look like. Two of them aren't linked, because they aren't listed on the site anymore. The list is in order of number of pieces (from what I can remember).

Here are the levels of difficulties, as stated on the box:

If you really enjoy puzzles, and thing you are up to the challenge, I think you should try one of these, they are great fun!! What I would really like to try next is the globe puzzle. It is similar, except the pieces are made out of plastic.

Diagnosis: Hiatus Hernia
I wish I was never tested for the hernia. I feel like I am using it as an excuse to get out of things. For example last night, it was getting so bad during the gym class I attend, that I had to take a break half way through. If I didn't know what has causing all the pain, maybe it would make it easier to manage, and not allow me to blame it or use it as an excuse.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005
~ Cardigans

Dear, I fear we’re facing a problem
You love me no longer, I know
And maybe there is nothing that I can do
To make you do

Mama tells me I shouldn’t bother
That I ought to stick to another man
A man that surely deserves me
But I think you do!

So I cry, I pray and I beg

Love me love me
Say that you love me
Fool me fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me leave me
Just say that you need me
Love me love me
Say that you love me
Leave me leave me
Just say that you need me
I can’t care ’bout anything but you...

Lately I have desperately pondered,
Spent my nights awake and I wonder
What I could have done in another way
To make you stay
Reason will not lead to solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don’t care if you really care
As long as you don’t go

I heard this song on the radio today, and I thought the lyrics were quite fitting to how I am feeling right now

I need a break
I need a break right now. As work, we just tried to delete a process, but for some reason, after it was deleted, it retured. So we tried to reproduce it, but it didn't come back at all. We imported the process again, and tried to delete it againg, to make sure that it wouldn't come back again, but stupid me deleted the whole method. Which means all of the processes are gone.

Monday, January 17, 2005
Re-evaluation of my life

I was going to do this right at the start of the year, but I didn't know
where I stood on some things, and now I think that everything in my life is
clear. I know where things stand now, and where some things are heading.
So here is my lists of things that are going wrong and some things that are
going right in my life

Things that are on the right track

Things that are not on the right track
and how I can change it

That is everything that I can think of at the moment. If anything else
comes to mind, I will update and repost at a later date.

How can one person make you feel so good about yourself one day, and completely useless the next?

Sunday, January 16, 2005
How to tell my parents
My mother again last night, brought up marriages and weddings. In her mind she has the whole this planned out. How do I tell her that I have realized that I am not getting married ever? That I know in my heart that there will never be anyone who loves me enough to want to spend the rest of their lives with me.

Friday, January 14, 2005
Canadians are Crazy
At the beginning of this week, the weather network kept saying that today
was going to be warm. I hear a high of 10 degrees a few times. So why is
it that when I went to leave this morning there was about 1/2" of ice on my
car? It wouldn't have been so bad, but my shoes don't grip to ice, so as I
was attempting to scrape off my car, I was sliding and it probably took
twice as long. I at least now know how to scrape off thick ice, checkers
pattern. Take the corner of your scraper and make diagonal lines one way,
and then the other, and the ice should come off easily after that. So now
all of you know that too, although I'm probably the last person to figure
that out. :)

Well after scraping off most of my car, I headed to work. Knowing that
everything was covered in ice, I decided that I should drive slow. Again
common knowledge, or so I thought. On my 20 min. drive to work, which
usually takes about 15 min., I saw a total of 9 cars in trouble, this
includes being in the ditch, hitting another car, or being towed. I
couldn't believe that. I know for the first snow fall of the year,
Canadians forget how to drive in snow and there are a lot of accidents, but
it has been winter for a month now. You would have thought that these 9
people, ok 8 because one of them was hit by another car, would have figured
out that they can't drive their normal way when it gets like this outside.
Well I guess if you look at how many cars I did pass that weren't in trouble
and compared them to the number of cars that were, it is quite a small
number, but still, I have only been driving for 7 years, and I get how this
works. Summer driving is not the same as winter driving. Hopefully after
today, those 8 people will have figured that out too. As for everyone else
who made it to wherever they were going, congratulations and thank you for
driving safe. :)

Thursday, January 13, 2005
Weight Loss
I need to lose at least 50lbs by I would say April. If I don't achive this then things are going to get all messed up, and plans are going to get ruined. So any help or words of encouragement is welcomed. I need all the help I can get with this.

Both ends of the rainbow
This morning there was a beautiful rainbow. It was actually the first time that I have ever seen a complete rainbow, from one end to the other? I know this doesn't have any real significance, but maybe it is a sign that my life is going to get better starting today. If anything wonderful happens to me today, I will make sure to share it with everyone.

The Definition of a "Fake Relationship"
Dictionay.com defines a relationship as

  1. The condition or fact of being related; connection or association.
  2. Connection by blood or marriage; kinship.
  3. A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other: has a close relationship with his siblings.
  4. A romantic or sexual involvement.

and defines fake to be

  1. Having a false or misleading appearance; fraudulent.

So if we put these together, the definition from here on what a "fake relationship" is, is a romantic or sexual involvement having a misleading appearance. Or in simple terms, when you are in a relationship, you are in love, you want to be with the other person and then you find out that they don't know if they want to be with you or not and are ok with this. So basically you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't know if they want to be in one with you.

If you are in one of these "fake relationships", how do you tell? Well if you are lucky, they will flat out tell you that they "don't know what they want", and they are "mostly" ok with that. From here, it is up to you to decide if you want to continue this "fake relationship" and how you are now going to handle things. I personally am staying in this "fake relationship", because I know, if he decide that he wants to be with me, we will be happy.

Jason Jordan ~ True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

I am nothing
I am nothing to you.
I don't know why I try to be more, I know I can never be.
I want you to be with me.
I want you to want to be with me.
I want it to work.
I hate thinking about you leaving in 9 months, but I think that now I have even less time.
I want you to love me, for me to mean as much to you as you mean to me.

I will never be your one true love.
I can never be the one for you.
I will never be the only one you want to be with.
I will never be yours.

Please let me try to be the one that you want.

Monday, January 10, 2005
Should have water back soon
Someone came, with a back-ho, to come and dig up the pipe to see where it had burst and see why were weren't getting any water. Did you know that the pipe is located 6 feet underground? Me either. Anyway, the good news is that the problem was at the well, so they only had to dig up a little. The problem was that the pipe had disconnected from the pump, allowing only air into the pipe. This was because after they originally put in the pipe they covered it with rocks and dirt, not just dirt like they are suppose to. So as the rocks settled (the house is only 6 years old), they put pressure on the pipe and disconnected it from the pump. Apparently we aren't the only house that has had this trouble in our area. So they are fixing this today, and we should have water by the time we get home from work tonight. YAH!!

Sunday, January 09, 2005
It all started Friday morning, well really Thursday morning. Thursday morning, I woke up late, and didn't get a chance to shower. Really not a big deal, since I showered the day before. Friday morning though, I really needed to wash my hair, since for some reason it is really oily and needs to be washed at least every other day. So I go to start my shower Friday morning, and realize there is no water. I tried to find my hat to cover my hair, but couldn't find it anywhere. My dad tried to figure out why we didn't have any water, but we are now on a well, and he doesn't really know what to look for. I headed to work 30min. early to shower at work. I am really glad that they put showers in the bathroom there. I headed to Waterloo for the weekend, figuring that they would have the water fixed by the time I got home Sunday.

My mom called about an hour ago to explain that they still didn't have any water, and Saturday both her and my dad headed to work to have a shower. They had someone come out and check out the pump for the water, and think that the pipe from the well to the house has burst. Now someone has to come out and look at it. If the pipe hasn't burst at the well, we will have to rip up part of the driveway and the front porch. This is really not cool for 6 year old house. I'm sure my parents are even less impressed with this.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Broken Dreams
Every little girl dreams of the day her and her prince charming will get married. The day they will start their new life together. A happily ever after, or a happy new beginning depending on how you look at things. As these little girls grow older, most of them do find their prince charming and in the case with two of my friends, get married. (Well one is only engaged, but soon she will be married) For the rest of these once little girls there are really only a few options left.

I believe that I am in a place in my life right now, where I do still think about my future, and that happy ending. I know I'm not ready to deal with any of this yet, come on, I still live in my parents house and work for their company. I was thinking about it today, and my childhood dream of being a mom is slowly fading as well. I am so terrified of having kids it scares me. I don't think that I will ever be able to be a good mother, or any mother.
Another dream that I have totally given up on is being a beautiful bride, someone's beautiful wife. I am never going to be able to look the way I want, and no one is ever going to accept me for me. Mind you, I'm not that wonderful of a person. I think it is a combination of not seeing anyone being able to tell me why they love me, let alone that they love me enough to want to be with me for the rest of my life. I use to be able to picture myself in my dress, much skinnier of course, standing next to the man I love knowing that he loves me and will always love me. That image has now faded from my head, and I can't get it back. I guess since the image is gone, the dream must be as well. At least I like animals, so when I'm old and have 80 cats, I will at least be happy.

So the moral of this post is that dreams are really for kids who don't know any better, the world is a cruel place where dreams don't come true.

I don't actually know if any of this makes sense, as I am a little messed up right now, and the thoughts are just flowing out of my head.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Career path

Well I think I have finally figured out what I want to do with the rest of my life... as much as I enjoy testing software, ok stop laughing now, it isn't as fulfilling as I remember it to be when I first started. Yesterday however, I had a great day at work, and today I have finally realized why. Yesterday, I spent the day showing the new girls now to work with the product that I have been testing for 4 summers now. So I have become a bit of an expert, for the most part. There are still some things that I don't know how to do, but I am learning. Anyway, I actually enjoyed showing/training the new girls on this product. So I think I am going to start looking into a training position to see what I would have to do/learn to become a trainer. I haven't decided if I want to be an internal trainer or someone to train customers on our products, but that will have to be left to later consideration

If anyone has any helpful hints on how I might go about doing this, that
would be great.

Monday, January 03, 2005
First Post of 2005
I'm sure this is the title of a lot of people's posts for the last couple of days, but I don't like to be original. Ok, I haven't seen anyone with this title yet, but it can't be that original.

Anyway, New Years eve was the worst one yet. Mind you, J. was supper awesome that night. On the 30th, I had gone to bed with a bit of a tummy ache only to wake up to stabbing pains the next day. I was in bed (well on the couch for a bit), until 10pm that night. J. had come over at about 5pm, had dinner with my family, and stayed in my room until I was well enough to get out of bed. Herb, Linda, and their neighbors had come over, so we sat and talked with them for a bit, and then the girls played Euchre, while the boys played pool. Sensing a trend here?? Again, I was a sneaky player. We managed to play till about 1:30am, without even noticing we missed ringing in the new year. As J. says, it is only another day. It is so true. Just another day to spend with friends, kicking their ass at Euchre.

New Years day, I was starting to feel better, but it still hurt to move. Today I am back to my old self again. My mom and I decided that we had to start going to the gym again, since we missing all of December, but I didn't want to push it too hard, since I might still hurt a little. We decided to do the Aquafit class. It was really quite fun, and I think we are going to be doing it every week now.

Anyway... Happy 2005!!

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